As a parent, setting aside time to yourself can sometimes seem selfish or near to impossible. However, making sure that you have some time to yourself can be essential, not only for your own sanity, but also in helping you to become a better parent.
It’s fair to say that the past few months have been pretty hard for everyone. Whatever your circumstances, there will have been challenges to overcome. Whether you’ve been trying to juggle the demands of home-schooling with working from home, or just coping with the stresses of COVID-19, it has been tough. So how much time have you actually set aside for yourself? How much time have you devoted to just you?
I think it’s just a habit for most parents to put the needs of their kids first, which is the way it should be. But sometimes, it’s important to take stock and allow yourself to have some time too. I’ve written about mum guilt before, but I think the last few months have highlighted that even more.
Given how much more intense time families have had to spend together, allocating time for ourselves as individuals has been even harder. There have been plenty of really lovely moments which have emerged from having that extra time to spend together as a family. Yet, at the same time, family time, work time, teaching time and you time, have probably all blurred into each other more than before.
It wasn’t until I had some dedicated time for myself, away from any family duties or responsibilities for just a couple of hours, that I realised how much I’d missed it and really needed it. There was also this suddenly strange sensation – what on earth was I supposed to do with this ‘free’ time?
I’m so used to being busy or having things to do that the sudden absence of any of that was completely bizarre. And brilliant. It was lovely to have some guilt-free time to spend doing something for myself.
I knew my child was being cared for and having a lovely time, which meant that I didn’t need to feel guilty about not being present for those few hours. The time had been allocated specifically to ‘me’, meaning no housework or work to do during this time.
I didn’t do a lot, nothing special in fact, but it was extremely freeing. I felt so much more relaxed and positive. It was a necessary reset that I didn’t even notice I needed.
So now I’m trying to find small ways to dedicate a little bit of time to myself every day. I don’t take big pockets of time, sometimes it’s just 10 minutes or, if I’m really lucky, a full hour. Sometimes I do some yoga, other times I do some reading and on other occasions, it’s about just finding the time to sit down and have a cup of coffee and do nothing at all.
It takes a concerted effort to set that time aside and not fill it with things on my to-do list. But it is so very worth it. I feel so much better in myself as a result and it’s also important, I think, that our children can see that we value ourselves. It’s not simply about it feeling good for us, but about setting an example that caring for yourself (physically, mentally and emotionally) is an important and valuable thing to do.
So, this week, I’d like to invite you to take some time for yourself. Whether it’s first thing in the morning before the kids wake up, late at night when they’re asleep, during one of their naps or even just a few minutes whilst they play independently – set some time aside for yourself.
Do you have any other suggestions? How do you squeeze time in for yourself and what do you do to reset? I’d love to hear your comments and experiences, so leave a comment below!
You can also get in touch on Twitter @TalkMummy or Instagram @mummytalkcoffee and please, feel free to share this post!
Activity Of The Week
Playing with a cardboard box.
Yes, it’s that simple. The bigger the box, the better.
Let your child lead the play and follow along. This box has been with us for a few months now. It has been a hiding place, a car, a spaceship, a storage box… It’s also been used to draw on and it was quite a fun place to use the alphabet stamps on too and spell out words.
One of the best things about it is that it lends itself to some really beautiful imaginative play, as well as being an independent activity.
Featured Book
‘The Jolly Postman or Other People’s Letters’ by Janet and Allan Ahlberg
This is a slightly longer book, particularly if you decide to read all of the individual letters! However, it’s also a fun and engaging book to read. If you have younger children you can simply read the story without reading the letters. Yet the letters themselves are very enjoyable and well worth spending time exploring. They are a lot of fun and have so much detail that you could spend hours exploring the book with your child.
This is also a really lovely way of introducing fairy tales to your children or, for those who are already familiar with them, encouraging them to make links between the characters and the stories they know. They can also make predictions about what they think might happen next or who the letters are from.
If you’re looking for a book that can inspire activities, then ‘The Jolly Postman or Other People’s Letters’ is the book for you. You can write letters to the characters in the story or even ask your child to write letters to their friends, family or toys. They can mark-make or write actual letters, depending on their age and ability. You could even write a sequel or create your own illustrations.
Mummy Talk and Coffee 